Knives and Pens(open to all)

[Reika Hitachiin]

Reika smiled as Seras kissed her, and gasped lightly when she felt the vampiress's fangs sink into her skin. She cradled Seras' head with her hand and lost herself in the feeling of Seras drinking from her. For reasons she couldn't fathom, she liked it. Up until she could feel herself succumbing to the blood loss.

"Seras... Seras, stop. You're taking too much." She whispered, hoping she could break through to the girl she loved. "Seras...." Her breath was getting shallower, and she could feel her heart slowing. If Seras kept this up, soon Reika would be dead. She knew this for sure. She was almost relieved when Zev stepped in and tried to save her, but was thwarted. Reika knew she needed to think quickly if she were to live. There was one thing she thought of, but she couldn't bear to say the words. For they were a lie, and Reika hated to lie. But she saw no other way.

"Seras," She said weakly. "If you don't stop, I will never forgive you, and I will stop loving you. I will let Zev do as she pleases with you, as long as she keeps you alive to feel that pain." It hurt Reika to say this, but she prayed the love that Seras felt for her would listen to her words and stop the beast inside of her from killing Reika.

[seras]

It took only but a fraction of a second for Reika's words to reach the girl inside the vampiress who was feeding off her. Such a simple lie, the shifter knew for certain it would be the most effective. Seras froze in her tracks, only moving a bit after to slowly remove her fangs from the shifter's neck. There was blood everywhere. Seras' eyes were hazy, shifting back to their natural hazel blue, only to return again hesitantly to the crimson that had overtaken her entirely. But, she kept trying. She closed her eyes again tight, pleading, praying almost, that her control over the monster could be attained. It only barely worked. Her eyes were something in between that of a monster and that of a horrified girl. Seras stared on at Reika's neck, then her bloodstained hands, running her tongue across her lips to make certain it was indeed she who had hurt her beloved wolf girl. It was. Seras knew she could not be mistaken. In an instant she had been taken back from the monster and won over only by the words Reika spoke to her. Without the ability to understand her thoughts, Seras could only believe the words to be the truth. They were devastating. Seras believed she'd ruined it all. In a few short minutes the monster had taken over and done more damage to everything and everyone than Seras could ever have dreamed. She now believed  Reika hated her. Immensely.



"Of course she feels this way! Don't be a fool now. Did you really think anyone could love you? You're a monster! Look what you've done!"

"But... I..." Seras began to plead with herself, the vampiress within her convincing her that it was certainly obvious how Reika felt, despite Seras having been absolutely devastated and a bit surprised. In one fell swoop, her self loathing grew astronomically over what it already had been.

Slowly, Seras took off her top and tore it into strips and wrapped it around Reika's neck. She said nothing, nor could she even look the shifter in the eyes. Her head hung low in utter shame, the vampiress did her best to treat the wounds she'd inflicted, only to have her hands shaking and the entire process taking longer than she'd felt comfortable in. There were many thoughts running through her hear right then, mostly all of which were brought on by the attempted suppression of the vampire and its urges. Seras bit her lip hard before finally quivering and scooting as far away from Reika as the cave would allow. She held herself.

"No! Shut up! Please... leave me alone! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Seras screamed, her borderline sanity apparent now as the vampiress within her begged her to take another drink. She hated that she could not disagree and convince herself that Reika's blood was anything short of fantastic, though hurting anyone was the last thing she wanted. This was the last straw. Seras now knew that she could not trust herself at all, and was a fool for trying. It cost her another lover and the thought ruined her absolutely. 

"You know you want more... just another drink..."

Seras reached for the broken shard of glass Reika had used to slice her arm open and without warning, in an attempt to rid herself of such thoughts, the vampiress plunged it into her chest. But upon pulling it out, her heightened healing closed the wound almost immediately, leaving not even a scar. This troubled Seras, as she stabbed herself again and again, drawing barely any blood before giving up. her vampiric body was stronger than ever now, again. Not thinking clearly, but only to rid herself of the horrible monster inside her, Seras put the shard in her mouth and with a brutal gesture, managed to tear out her fangs. The scream she let out could wake the dead. Despite enjoying pain, there wasn't a possibility that tearing out the very fangs that made her a monster would feel amazing for any creature of the night. Bleeding and spitting up pieces of glass, Seras eyes once again returned to their human visage as she stared at the two sharp teeth laying on the earth before her covered in blood.

Seras approached Reika slowly, very cautiously, and knelt beside her. Without a single word, her apology was heartfelt as she took the girl's hand gently and placed her two fangs in her palm and closed her fingers with care. She had such real tears in her eyes. But before Seras could hurt anyone anymore, she left.

The vampiress was giving up. She'd ruined her last chance and now truly disbanded the notion of wanting to be loved. She didn't deserve it at all. The shame and hatred that brewed in her heart would cripple any mortal. Seras didn't care that the sunlight was still amidst outside the cave, despite it waning into the evening. She had only one thing on her mind. There was only one way she knew of that could rid her from the earth for certain. The silver blade she'd been stabbed with once before, it was kept back at her home. It was the one thing she'd encountered in life so far that brought a certain pain that led on the notion that it may actually be able to end her miserable life. To Seras, it was definitely worth the try.

However, as she made it back to the graveyard, the effects of the sun grew stronger. Being more of a vampiress now than ever, her skin burned. As she wore nothing but a skirt and a bra top, her exposed skin charred in the uv. Her eyes once again blood red, Seras slowed her determined pace to as fast as her withering body would move. Eventually, she'd fallen to the ground and was still crawling towards her home. Seras wanted more than anything to end her own life. It was a sin that she'd always believed would land her in hell, the everlasting torturous afterlife. It bothered her greatly to know she could die here, now, by not her own hand. In a last ditch effort for a lasting torment, Seras found her way to a fresh open grave and fell into it. With any luck, she'd believed a casket might be lowered atop her in the near future and she could remain locked away forever, alive and at the mercy of her own mind.

The amount of guilt that overwhelmed her as she lay in the cool, dark grave, was beyond comprehension. How it wasn't enough alone to bring death was anyone's guess.

[Reika Hitachiin]

Bewildered, Reika followed the girl she loved dazedly. She found her, charred and in the bottom of an open grave. "Oh,Seras...." She whispered. She found it in her body to lift the girl out of the grave and cover her with her cloak. "Seras. Dear....." She couldn't finish for she started to cry. She didn't want to see her beloved this way, in so much pain. The girl had ripped out her fangs for goddess's sake!! She did the only thing she could think of and took the girl back to the dark cave. She laid her beloved on the bed once again and climbed in next to her. She stroked the girl's flaxen hair and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"Seras, love. I never meant that I would hate you. I can't. But I knew that if I told you i hated you, you would stop. I'm sorry love. I am so sorry." By the end of her little speech, she was crying. She wiped her eyes and kissed Seras, tasting the blood from her now absent fangs. Remembering the fangs still in her fist, she got up and laid them in her chest, to be used at a later date. She knew exactly what she was going to use. She went back and laid next to her love and cradled her to her chest. How could this happen to her? It was as if Hecate herself had said 'Here, take this broken soul and fix it.'

"I don't know how to fix you, love. But I promise right here, right now, that I will try. I will love you like you've never been loved before. I will care for you when you don't want me to. I promise." Reika whispered. She pulled the girl as close to her as possible, kissing the top of her head. "It's been a long day, Seras, rest. For me. We can go to your house tomorrow and get you proper cloth-" Reika looked down, just now remembering that  the girl wasn't wearing much. And it got cold here. She got up and grabbed the shirt and pants from earlier. She knelt down by Seras' head. "Do you think you can dress yourself? No, scratch that. I will help you." 

Reika gently helped Seras into a seated position and carefully helped the girl into the old BVB shirt, then she carefully took off the skirt and again, carefully carefully helped Seras into the sweats. She knew that she was causing the girl pain, but she saw no other way. She laid the girl back down and curled into bed with her, pulling the covers over the two of them and gently wrapping her arms around the girl that she oh so loved. 

[seras]

The vampiress was now just as confused about her feelings as she was hurt by what she'd done. Seras could not and wouldn't dare forgive herself, ever, for hurting Reika. This shifter was like her, different, and did everything in her power to understand the vampire girl and be kind to her. Seras knew this, and deep down she appreciated so much she could cry, but was unable to show it properly. Seras was a polite girl, giving thanks where it was needed, she was brought up that way, but more often than not, in her current mental state, she was very much unaware at how to hold back her self hatred enough to even properly converse with someone. Anyone. Seras believed she was always beneath even the worst people in society. She could come up with excuses for anyone without even very much thought at all, and put a great deal of effort subconsciously to hating herself. Things she found herself doing, the way she craved blood, her inhuman eyes, all of it. Seras hated it all. The thing she wanted more than true love again in her despicable life was to be human. To not have people so interested in talking to her just because her vampire persona attracted weaker beings. She didn't want people to shy away after realizing what the girl was.

When Reika sat her up, Seras let her master move her about in any way she desired, although it was only to clothe her put her to bed. Seras did not disobey or argue in the least. The desire to be wanted and to be good for her master was absolute. Though in her mind she'd already ruined it all by feeding off Reika, Seras continued to due her best to be something of a personal slave. Reika still treated her as a friend, an equal, even after getting bit, and it confused Seras incredibly. She didn't know wether to be mad at the shifter for not being angry with her, or to apologize more until she were blue in the face. But neither happened. Seras remained quiet and depressed on the inside, not speaking until spoken to. She nodded gently as Reika gave her little speech, though unsure how to feel about it. Seras longed for honest love, but had long since forgotten what it felt like or how to react. She grew incredibly nervous beside Reika, but remained in the shifter's light embrace and watched her until the wolf girl fell softly asleep. Seras began to wonder how she could sleep beside someone who felt so cold to the touch, but dismissed it as perhaps Reika liked the cool, soothing feeling Seras' icy body brought.

Remaining motionless in bed, Seras stared up at the rocks above until the first scent of morning came about. Towards the mouth of the cave she could barely make out a light glowing of the earliest morning rays. Desperately, Seras wanted to run to them and watch her skin burn away, but she didn't want to disturb her sleeping friend. Also, the vampiress decided it would be better off for both of them if she didn't think on her own, make choices, or even harbor her own opinions. She tried her best to let it all go and forget herself. It typically was very easy for the vampiress.

Before long, Seras realized almost the entire time she'd felt nervous besides Reika, her feelings and emotions were conveyed mentally to anyone around her. If Reika had been awake, she would feel a strange sense of understanding for Seras and realize somehow that there was a vast nervousness within the vampiress. It was almost as easy as reading Seras like an open book, but while the vampiress hid her emotions perfectly through a blank visage, everyone hidden was shared with anyone she'd held a special connection to. It was as if someone were whispering footnotes in Reika's ear as to how the creature of the night truly felt, even without Seras realizing it herself. But she did her best to shut herself off from anyone and everyone. A few soft tears rolled down her cheek as Seras glanced over at Zev sleeping beside them. The canine's fur was matted here and there with its blood, and thought the creature rested, one could tell it had been in a daring battle earlier, and lost. Seras had lost control and become more powerful than ever after feeding off the blood of the one she desired most, but was calmed in an instant by her spoken lies. In truth, Seras couldn't possibly bring herself to believe what Reika said wasn't the absolute truth. Things only made certain sense in her mind if Reika were truly harbouring a severe hatred from Seras.

[Reika Hitachiin]

((I'm skipping to later the next day, seeing as how both of the girls need to rest and thus heal. I hope you don't mind. ))

Reika awoke to a darkening sky, and an even darker cave. She felt a warmth beside her and thought for a second that it was Zev, but then she remembered the girl she had fallen for the previous day, or was it two days ago? She wasn't sure. Reika looked at the object of her affection laying in her arms and smiled. How she fell for such an amazing girl, and how that girl had equally fallen for her, she didn't know. Or care for that matter. Reika silently took stock of her body, figuring out if it would allow her to get up and get food. She knew she was going to hurt, but she needed sustenance, and she figured that Seras would too, even if she didn't want it. She rolled over and found her loyal canine companion sitting up and waiting for her with some recently caught animals. She smiled again and sat up, wincing at the all over ache she felt.

"Zev, you are just too amazing. Thank you." She patted the large dog on the head and headed for the opening of the cave. There she found sticks already in the fire pit. She chuckled slightly at Zev and shook her head. That dog was just amazing. Reika slowly started to get her fire going, taking care not to move too fast, for fear of hurting something, or just hurting period. Soon though, she had a fire going and she went over to Zev's hunt. Expertly, she skinned the small rabbit and male elk, smiling while she did so. She didn't know why, but she had her suspicions. Those suspicions were in the form of a very attractive, flaxen-haired vampiress currently laying in her bed. She took the meat she had chopped up while thinking of Seras and took it all over to the fire. Reika left one of the rabbits and some of the elk meat raw for her lover, and cooked the rest. Impatiently, she waited for the meat to cook until it was fully done, just the way she liked it. 

Reika smiled as she took one of the sticks laden with succulent meat and tossed a few pieces to Zev. The wolf chomped happily on the food, while Reika devoured it, barely even chewing. She knew that there was a chance that she would choke, but Reika's body was so starved for nutrients that for a second, she didn't care. Once her stomach had some sustenance in it though, she slowed her eating enough that she could chew properly. Once she was full however, she took the still very raw pieces to her lover, knowing that she was still awake. She set the meat down and sat on the edge of the bed. Reika looked at the girl so lovingly, she surprised herself. 

"Why? Why do I love you like this Seras? It makes no sense to me... But I do love you. Don't ever forget that. I love you with all my heart and more." Reika laughed slightly. "I don't even know you that well, and yet, it feels like I've known you for a lifetime. Maybe we knew each other in another life. Maybe we were even lovers then. I don't know. But I do know that I don't ever want you to leave my side." She stroked Sera's black hair lovingly. She didn't want a response, just saying what was on her mind was enough for her. She knew from her dreams that Seras was very scared and nervous, and she wanted oh so badly to assuage that. But how? How was the question indeed. How did she fall for this girl? How did this girl fall for her? How was she not scared of this beautiful creature? How was she going to fix such a broken soul.....

Reika didn't know the answers to her in-numerous questions, but she was okay with that. She leaned down and kissed the still very charred cheek of the one who brought these questions to mind. Then she got up and moved to the back of the cave where her first aid kit lay, all but forgot. She knew she had burn cream in there, but the question was, did she have enough? Reika took out the large tube and took it back over to Seras. Gently she sat back down on the bed and took off the cap of the tube, remembering all the times she had to apply this stuff to herself. With gentle hands and small motions, she carefully spread the contents of the tube on Seras's bare skin, lifting the shirt and sweats when needed. Reika knew that she was going to end up needing to get another tube or three if she was going to help Seras heal, but she was okay with this. Once she was done, she took Seras's hand in hers and kissed it softly, almost enjoying the taste of the cream. She looked back at her love and smiled. "Hungry Seras, love? I saved some rabbit and elk meat for you. I know you probably don't like animal blood, but right now, it's our best bet. You need to heal, and for that, you need blood. But you took too much of mine, or else I would let you drink from me. And I don't think Zevzev forgives you enough to let you drink from her." Reika waited patiently for Seras to respond, watching her facial features, remembering them.

((There you go, Seras dear. An extra long post for you! I'm so sorry it took so long. Like I said, school and IRL issues have taken up much of my time and muse. But I'm back now!!! :* ))

[seras]

Seras knew the very moment the girl beside her awoke for the vampire hadn't gotten any shut eye herself. Between being overly analytical in her own mind and her charred body, it didnt leave much room for comfort enough to fall asleep. Plus, the creature of the night rarely had to. Even the smallest details brought her disgust and self loathing. If only she could feel tired and fall asleep soundly. If only she could eat and drink foods and enjoy them. If only she were warm and lively to the touch. Instead, the figure was broken and damn near ruined. She hadn't moved or flinched in the slightest when Reika applied burn cream to her skin, nor returned any words when the shifter told her she loved her. In truth, Seras wouldn't believe it. It was impossible for her to believe anyone could love such a disgusting creature. 

By the time Reika mentioned breakfast, Seras had long since known of their meal to be had. It churned her stomach as if she actually had other things she fancied. But the vampiress only ever ate out of boredom, convenience, or when instructed to do so. If she were a mere human, her body would be in ruins and horribly not taken care of at all. But it sickened the vampiress to know that the only time she truly felt the need for sustenance was when her body ached and needed to feed. The feeling was overwhelming. So much so that Seras had most recently nearly destroyed her love interest, further fueling her belief that she was despicable at best and didnt deserve such niceties in life. Seras believed she didn't deserve a life. What right did she have to take that of others' simply just to feed. The vampiress never had any concept of the food chain. It all sickened her. 

But the last thing she wanted was to disobey her master. She shot a quick glance over at the raw, bloody meat and her nose twitched. Seras looked away immediately, but moved her dainty hand towards a piece. Her hesitation was very much apparent. Reika didn't know, even in terms of human diets, Seras did not eat meat. Barely ever had, and didn't ever wish to start. The irony of drinking human blood was severe enough on her psyche.

"Yes... miss Reika..." A very faint whisper escaped her trembling lips. Seras was still very much frightened. Of herself. To be near the shifter. Of everything. Still, her hand moved to take a piece of meat. In her mind, she was told to do something and the shifter had gone through the trouble of procuring something for the girl. It would be absolutely devilish of her not to accept it with no questions asked. It was a wonder where her mind was enough to hold onto what made Seras herself. How far would she ever actually go just to agree, serve, and please someone? There were very few aspects of her former self that she regularly held onto despite anyone telling her otherwise. Being a vegetarian, not feeding off anyone but herself, and the basic morals in regards to the well being of innocent children and animals were among them. But Seras knew, she didn't deserve her own opinions and beliefs anymore.

Seras brought a piece of raw meat to her lips slowly and very hesitantly. She didn't even bother to look at it at all. Before taking her small first bite the vampiress took a rather long breath and paused for a brief moment. The stench alone was toxic to her vampire sense. Seras closed her eyes and bit down slowly. It was soft and had a texture not quite unlike that of Reika's flesh, which was the only saving grace in her mind, but still the disgust Seras immediately felt was astronomical. Still, she bit down, fresh animal blood running down her chin. The taste was utterly revolting to her, only instilling life and vitality in her because it took energy to be repulsed by it. Seras did her very best to appear unmoved in order to not appear rude at Reika's caring and hospitable nature, but it was quite obvious she was not enjoying any part of it at all. Even down to the simple fact that she absolutely loved and respected animals. To eat one hurt her greatly. Even having hurt Zev made her heart hurt more than Reika would hope to know.

It took nearly forever but Seras finally managed to bite off a mouthful of the meat and began to slowly chew it as she hopelessly put down the rest. With every bite down she did her best to hold back vomit. Seras was desperate to be agreeable and loving. She would do anything it would seem to be what Reika wanted her to be. Soon, Seras swallowed the single small bite of meat with a hardened gulp, covering her mouth with her hand delicately afterwards. She took a few deep breaths and was silent, trying to keep her food from coming back up. The vegetarian in her was thoroughly disgusted, again just leading to more self hatred.

Seras wanted to cry. There were tears in her reddened eyes but the timid girl desperately held them back. In an attempt to not have Reika question her, Seras tried to make it seem as though she were simply still upset about other things. Putting a hand to her cheek gingerly, the vampire realized what she felt was not the most luxurious, supple skin she always felt, but still charred, rough patches of pain. Despite having ingested so much blood, Seras had refused to heal. Somehow, this seemed to genuinely suprise her as it wasn't a conscious choice but one born out of loathing. To be certain, Seras reached for a piece of broken glass from before, and held it before herself. As she would angle it to and fro to get the best view in terms of a reflection, the thought of wishing for her compaq quickly faded for more painful realizations. Though by anyone's standards, the vampiress was still beautiful in her own right, the reflection Seras saw staring back at her was a monstrosity. She threw the dropped the glass in her lap and with trembling hands, touched her face again to be extra certain of what she'd seen. Her gorgeous looks were ruined. Seras reveled in her physical beauty and elegance, the single thing she'd had to cherish anymore. But now it was gone. And without even realizing it, the vampiress would not heal. She wanted to only for the sake of being beautiful and desirable for other people, but her body and mind clearly enjoyed holding onto pains. Seras was far too depressed and the thoughts in the back of her mind wouldn't allow her body to rejuvenate. But the moment

Seras began to realize that perhaps for Reika's sake she should heal, so as to not have her master look any more of a monster, her charred skin returned to its lovely porcelain hues. Still, it was rougher and a bit discoloured and scarred, but her healing stopped. Despite this, Seras calmed down slightly, knowing eventually her vampiric body would win out and she'd be good as new as ever. Eventually. Until then, the more her heart ached, the more Seras smiled. One moment she appeared devastated at her ruined good looks, the next she was smiling. There was certainly something inherently wrong about her character. To Seras, pains were all one of the same. Physical, emotional, mental. Anything that would make her heart ache horridly was all she knew anymore and the borderline psychotic girl was always desperate to feel it. She would go to nearly any lengths, even throwing away basic morals she'd grown up with in lue of the torment doing so would bring her. The poor girl didn't know any better. 

"I'm sorry, Miss Reika... please forgive me..." Seras whispered quietly. She was very careful not to speak when not spoken to, but apologies were the only exception. In her warped mind, she wasn't even entirely sure what exactly she was even apologizing for anymore. Any situation would merit it, in Seras' eyes, but most of all she would forever remain hurt and ashamed for having nearly done it again. Her single greatest regret in life. Killing a beloved. Seras nearly made the same mistake twice. She blamed herself relentlessly for bringing about the death of her first true love, harboring so much pain, fear and loathing that on most days her mind was so clouded on hatred and how to hurt herself she couldn't quite even recall why it was she felt this way. And to have allowed herself to nearly do it all over again, to Reika, it was inexcusable to Seras. It made her remember so clearly what she had done to her past lover. It made her recall every last being she'd ever fed off of as if they were the single most important person in her life. All the times she'd blacked out and woke up in her apartment someplace after having killed people. It all had flooded back to her so hard she could hardly believe herself. All the things her self destructive mind locked away and only kept the painful feelings to, all the memories and the visions, they were all absolutely clear to Seras now. She could picture in her mind the last hours of many victim's lives as vividly as ever. What the people were wearing, what they smelled of, how crisp the air around them may have been, everything. But most of all, the feeling of being feared, to see it in her victim's eyes, it haunted her the worst. And even just for a fraction of a second, despite her words, Seras had seen the same look in Reika's eyes. It was merely a natural reaction anyone would have before understanding what their eyes were showing them, but it hurt Seras the most. Of course, only Seras knew just how many times she'd gone over the edge and killed innocent people. Only she knew how terrible it made her feel. Only she knew for certain that it in fact hadn't been all too long prior to Reika when the vampiress had last fed. In truth, Seras had been visiting a victim's grave before running into Reika, and the creature of the night had only been in town for a very short while thus far. But the more distraught Seras had become in recent months, the stronger her urges grew and the weaker her resolve to thwart the monster in her became.

Seras couldn't ever look Reika in the eyes again. As she stared elsewhere at the earth beside them, she felt colder than ever. Her body trembling, the traumatized girl held herself hard, enough to break a human. The skin of her arms under her touch grew purple with pressure but still she was shaking and still Seras held herself tight. Her eyes flashed crimson for but just a moment before returning to their beautiful hazel hues. The vampiress raised a wrist to her mouth and wanted to bite down, but her fangs had still not grown back in. Taking a deep breath, Seras calmed herself and held back tears. She knew she had made a grave mistake. For now, she would occasionally fiend for blood as if it were her drug, but once her fangs finally grew back her lust to taste Reika again would be nearly unstoppable. Seras knew it would be in both their best interests to return to her home, where at least she knew the shifter could defend herself with a silver blade if need be. There Seras could lock herself away and be chained in silver shackles and handcuffs she'd acquired at some point in recent years. 

Seras had no idea how to even tell anything to Reika. But most of all, Seras wanted to at least return to the grave she was at before and again pay her respects. The vampire would cringe and laugh, but the humanity in Seras was appalled by the loss of life. It hit her very hard because in the man's dying thoughts, Seras unwillingly began to see images of his family. The man had a loving wife and a beautiful daughter, whom was around the same age as herself when the vampiress' own father left. The effects of her last kill had hurt her extremely, to the point in which she had found herself for days after stalking the family. She witnessed the funeral, and most of all the tears of the young daughter. Seras still regularly heard her cries.



"If... If only Miss Reika knew... monsters cannot love, and certainly shan't be loved... they need only be destroyed... forever... horribly..."

Again, Seras had drifted deep into thought and hadn't realized she'd unwillingly told Reika exactly how she feels about herself by whispering into her mind. 

"How about it, lass. Just one more taste?"
"No."
"Aww, come now. You know as well as I we both enjoyed it."
"Please... stop this.."
"Stop it? But you loved it!"
"No-"
"She tasted fantastic! Are you denying that?"
"Please, No. That was-"
"Just once more? I promise it will be wonderful."
"I won't let you hurt her again!"
"Oh, but you can't resist it, dear. It's too beautiful."
"It's alright... I won't have to... "


Just like that, Seras began to formulate thoughts in her mind. Images so vivid they felt real. When she closed her eyes it was as if she could just about feel her hands pushing a silver knife deeper into her heart. Seras knew the pain from experience. And it was wonderful. The vampiress was desperate to feel it, to feel wonderful again. She knew it would make her happy to put an end to the fear of the monster feeding off Reika again. Seras wanted nothing more right then to feel the monster she despised more than anything slipping away from her, even if that was one of the same with knowing the life was draining out of her. The desire to brutally murder her alternate personality, despite sharing the same body, became absolute. To Seras, it was the only way she knew how to show Reika that she truly did care for her, but most of all was absolutely sorry for having hurt her. It was the only way Seras could be certain the monster would never hurt anyone again. A slow, agonizing, horrendous death was what the vampiress truly, full heartedly believed she deserved. 

When Seras realized Reika had heard her mind talking to herself, she desperately hoped the shifter girl would not have come to the conclusion of what the vampiress wished to do to herself.

[Reika Hitachiin]

Reika saw the pain in her love's eyes as she ate the meat, but she knew that Seras needed it. She sat by silently and watched the girl battle with herself, silently listening. She felt like an outsider, like she was a child eavesdropping on a conversation not meant for her. But she couldn't resist. Seras, supposedly unknowingly, was channeling all of her thoughts to Reika's own mind, and Reika drank it all up. She was desperate to know just how far this girl's obvious self-loathing went. And she was taken aback by the answer.

Without thinking about it, she threw her arms around the slender girl and hugged her as tightly as possible. She was afraid, afraid that the lovely creature in front of her would do something brash. Reika had been there before, in so many foster homes that she care not to remember. She had been on that cliff, looking out at the dark waters and knowing just what it was she wanted. To quell the beast within her. Do away with the damnable monster inside. Even if it meant taking her own life in the process.

Without her mind's permission, her mouth formed the only words she could. "Please don't. Please don't leave me Seras." She choked back the last few words, trying desperately to not cry. She kissed the girl's cheek as she felt those damned tears fall down her own. She didn't know what else to say, but she knew she needed to say more. Do more. But how much would help? It was obvious that Seras was convinced that Reika hated her. How could she prove that she didn't?

"Seras, my love. How can I prove to you that I do love you, that I don't hate you with every fiber of my being like you believe? Please," she turned Sera's face so that she could look into those beautiful hazel eyes she was growing to love. "Please tell me how to help you. I don't want to see you hating yourself so much anymore. And not just because you have some twisted sense of needing to obey, but because you truly don't hate yourself like that." She kissed Seras then, effectively staving off any sort of answer, but she didn't care. She needed this girl to see just how much she loved her. Reika knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but she was ready for it. Oh was she ready.

Zev came over then, and laid her big canine head on Seras' lap while hitting Reika's leg with her tail. It seemed the wolf was smiling, making Reika smile herself. Gently, the wolf licked at Seras' hands and arms, probably trying to help heal her. Reika couldn't help but chuckle. Even though Seras had attacked her, Zev still seemed drawn to her, much as Reika was. Zev then darted off to the mouth of the cave and brought over some more meat for the two girls. Reika took the red pieces of flesh gently and patted Zev on the head, silently thanking her. Reika looked to the girl next to her and tried to smile. "Eat, love. I know you don't like it, but you need it. I can't have you being so thirsty as to attack me or Zev again. And you need your strength if we're going to be going back to your place. You don't have to eat the actual flesh, just drink the blood. Please. For me." She kissed Seras' cheek once again and started eating her own cooked rabbit, contemplating how exactly she was going to sew up this broken soul.

[seras]

Just as she often found herself as of late, Seras was at a momentary loss for words. There were hundreds of thoughts running through her mind, most of which were only scenarios towards her self loathing. Truthfully, the timid vampiress was a bit surprised when her shifter love interest threw her arms around her in a gentle embrace. The warmth from her body was more than comforting to Seras, adoring the feeling against her cold, deathly being. In her fragile state, however, anything and everything wound up hurting her feelings. There wasn't a single thought that could become anything aside placing blame on herself. It was but a natural reaction for someone whom been ever so tormented.

When the words escaped Reika's mouth telling her lover not to leave, Seras was as astounded as she was horribly confused and frightened. The shifter must have heard her thoughts again! Seras was convinced. Either way, she knew how the vampiress truly felt and what conclusions such horrid thoughts led to. It pained her greatly to know this, but Seras was desperate and above all else, convinced that the best route would be to simple cease to exist in order to destroy the monster that she was and keep it from harming anyone else. It ruined her emotions greatly, knowing deep down that the last thing Seras wanted was to disobey her master. 

"I... Im heaps Sorry... Miss Reika..." Seras whispered softly, unsure wether it would land her punishment or not to have not simply disagreed with what the shifter thought was inevitable. Seras did not want to lie to her anymore. She couldn't Reika brought out the truth in Seras. Still, Seras kept her thoughts as well in her own mind as she could manage. It was difficult. The frightened little child of a young woman inside her was crying out for help, desperate to share her true emotions with Reika. But Seras knew better. All she could do to calm herself was know that she could always be with Reika emotionally and in her heart, but physically it would prove difficult as the girl wanted her vampiress destroyed. To cope, Seras filed everything regarding the matter in the back of her mind and locked the thoughts away for further use. 

A smile broke out across her lips as Seras returned the embrace. She was mutually happy and excited as Reika kissed her. When the vampiress returned the kiss, the apologetic feel was gravely won over by the sheer passion and pleasant emotion behind the gesture. However, the happiness it conveyed from within her was a tad short lived as Reika began pleading with her. Seras' eyes grew sad once again as she began to dwell into the aspect of her depression. It was no longer shut off. .

"It's quite alright, Miss Reika... we all do... Please don't trouble yourself... No one can truly come to love such a disgusting monster..." Seras spoke quietly, but her voice was severely matter of fact. "But... I promise, I'm yours to keep... for as long as you wish, honest. I will love you..."

There was barely any hesitation. Her angelic voice was only slightly tainted by a hint of depression, one that only scratched the surface of how she truly felt about herself. 

As Seras was then handed bits of animal flesh once again, she cringed lightly before Reika might notice and took the meat in her dainty hands. It killed her to even consider eating the creatures she loved, any and all of them. Also, the taste horrified her. 

"But.. miss Reika... I'm a vegetarian...I shan't eat flesh...."

The irony of being a vampiress whom didn't eat meat eluded Seras as she made sure to keep her thoughts to herself. Still, in need of strength of not, the creature of the night silently refused to finish off the animal meat. She didn't drink from it nor bite it. Still, the truth in Reika's words hit her hard. In Seras' mind, it meant the shifter hadn't forgiven her at all for feeding off her. 

There was nothing more consuming her wretched mind than the secretive desire to want to brutally murder herself. Seras reached into her pajama pants pocket and took out the key to her rental home in the upper scale neighborhood and put it into Reika's palm, slowly closing her fingers around it. It was her way of inviting her over, as well as admitting that everything of Seras' was Reika's because until the shifter threw her out, Seras considered herself property owned by Reika Hitachiin.

[Reika Hitachiin]

Reika sighed, knowing that making Seras drink was hurting her. "Listen, love. Don't eat the flesh, that's fine. I just want you to get some blood back in your system. That's all I want. And you're not a monster. You're no more a monster than Zev is. Just because you're not entirely human, doesn't mean you're a thing to be feared by all. It's obvious to anyone you let near you that you're not a bloodthirsty vermin needing to be vanquished. But a scared and lonely child needing to be loved." Reika kept the surprise off her face as she realized that she wasn't just talking to Seras, but to herself also. She leaned her head against Seras's cool shoulder and thought about what she had said for a minute. Then, an idea came to her mind.

Seras hated blood, but she needed it. She didn't want to eat flesh. So how else could Reika get the blood in her system? Quickly, Reika jumped up and grabbed the thermos she used and headed for the mouth of the cave. "I'll be back soon Seras. Stay here 'till I get back, please. I don't want you going out in the light yet." She said over her shoulder. Zev cocked her head quizzically at her human friend, to which Reika gave her a silent command to protect Seras, from herself and whatever might come by while Reika was gone.

Reika scoured the forest for herbs to use for the concoction she was going to make. She managed to find some chunks of ginger root, a huge peppermint plant that she took heaps of leaves from, and some other herbs and spices. When she got back to the cave, night had fallen and it had started to get cold. Reika carried her bounty in her shirt, which she had taken off when she had found the mint plant, and laid it all next to the fire to grab her bucket and get some water from the river. When she came back, she set the bucket to boil in the fire while she processed the herbs and spices into fine pastes and minced pieces. Once the water began to boil, she threw the ingredients in and started on the last few pieces of raw meat, draining them of their juices into the thermos. After a few minutes, Reika tasted the water and decided that everything had sat long enough and started to fish the pieces of plant out. Once she finished, Reika poured the blood into the water, washing the thermos in it at the same time. She stirred the pot a few times to make sure the blood was sufficiently mixed in, then tasted the water-blood mixture once again, smiling when she couldn't taste the blood. Reika poured some of the mixture into the thermos and walked back to Seras.

"Try this love, I think you'll find this easier to stomach." Reika smiled as she handed the thermos to Seras, hoping to the Mother Earth that she was right.

[seras]

Seras sat still with her eyes closed, just listening to what Reika had been telling her. Somehow, even after losing control over the bloodthirsty vampire within her, the Shifter still did not harbour hatred for Seras. She could not understand it or come to terms with it in the least. Reika may have seen past the brutality and forgiven her, but Seras would never allow herself to come to terms with it unless she were to be won over by the very vampire who would have drained Reika of all her blood only for the glorious taste of it. But Seras could feel it. She knew her eyes could no longer hope to stay their natural human colour, and soon her fangs would grow back in. She could feel the immense longing for Reika crushing her mind and soul. To feel the vampire's desire out of love for Reika was powerful enough, but now that its tasted the Shifter's blood, Seras was constantly doing her very best to calm herself down.

She'd done numerous drugs before, and the addictions were very real. But this was far more intense. The desire to feed of Reika was beginning to cloud her judgement of things, it made her unable to think clearly at all. She could still faintly taste her sweet blood on her tongue, and it was constantly driving Seras even more mad than she already was. It wasnt something Reika could possibly understand the magnitude of. The other voice in the vampire's mind was controlling enough, but now it was constantly whispering, trying to get Seras to do the one thing again that her docile self wouldn't ever have done even once.

"I know you felt it too, little girl. She was so brilliant! Don't you want to feel that again?"
"I dont..."
"Stop lying to yourself.... You know how wonderful it was..."
"I won't hurt her again!"
"Oh but you don't have to, dear. We can just have one more quick little taste. You shan't have to do a thing."

Seras couldn't be sure if Reika had heard her thoughts or not, but nodded simply when Reika told her to stay in the cave. She didn't want to be alone, but knew it was better for the Shifter to avoid her. Seras prayed that Reika wouldn't return, as the all too familiar feeling of lonliness crept into her heart.

"Yes, Miss Reika. I'll stay." Seras whispered under her breath. She barely opened her mouth around the Shifter for fear of her fangs growing back and doing damage to a beloved.

As soon as she could no longer hear Reika in the immediate area, Seras let out a soft sigh as if she had been holding her breath the entirr time. Looking around the cave for something sharp, anything at all, the vampire found another piece of glass Reika must have left behind earlier. Without even a moment's thought or hesitation she plunged it deep into her arm and cut a long gash across her skin. She dragged it along slowly, listening to it tear her flesh as if it wasnt even her own arm. She didn't even flinch or cringe as the cold, dark blood began to trickle out slowly before her wound already began to heal over. Seras brought her arm to her mouth and drank a bit before her wound closed a mere few seconds later. Dissappointed, she cut and drank again, repeating this process many times until she noticed Zev glaring at her, annoyed.

Finally, Seras heard footsteps outside just as she watched Zev's ears twitch. Quickly, she hid her one arm behind her back casually, still not even daring to look at Reika for fear of her hunger growing out of control. But the vampire couldn't be sure how long she could keep this up. The constant, relentless voice in her head telling her to drink and reminding her just how fantastic it felt. Her own blood was always cold, bland, and thick. But Reika's was warm, and tasted amazing to her. Even her kind, more docile side couldn't deny how it made her entire body feel engulfed in a pleasure no human could ever possibly understand. For everything more a vampire is than a human, their addiction for a beloved's blood was also that much greater than the most powerful addiction a person could ever experience. It was literally all she could think about.

Scooting back slightly as Reika made her way towards her, Seras looked away, down at the dirt, anywhere but meeting eyes with the shifter whom she wronged. But she could hear it. The heart beating strong, the blood flowing through her veins. Seras was desperate not to, but she heard Reika's vitals clear as day. Slowly, she reached out to take the thermos that was handed to her, trying to hide her arm but failing.

"Thank you heaps, Miss Reika." The vampire was polite and concise as ever, trying to concentrate on the aroma of the blood tea with peppermint. Unbeknownst to Reika, it was one of the vampire's favourites though she'd never admit it. However, the shifter's scent was absolutely intoxicating. It always drove the voice inside Seras' head into overdrive. She took another slow sip or her tea before taking a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"I know you can hear her blood as well as I, little girl" Seras whispered under her breath but definitely out loud. It was in a voice that wasn't her typical either. As if it were some other woman entirely, she had a slightly heavier english accent and far more confidence. Even the tone was a bit off, enough to make Zev glance up and around the cave to see if there was a third person amongst them. Surely there was, but two shared the same body and now it was known.
"Please, don't do this..."
"What? Don't be ridiculous! I know you want this. Don't you want to feel that gorgeous again?"
"No... I don't..."
"Bollocks! It was absolutely amazing and you know it!"
"Please..."
"I know we want to taste it again, little girl. You can't lie."
"No..."
"Just one bite. That's all."
"No!"


Seras took another long sip of her tea so her other self would stop talking. She wasn't aware she had finally had a conversation with her split personality outside of her mind, and it was no longer a secret that she was harbouring a guiltless vampire inside her. However, it wasn't something she herself was aware of. Seras had no idea that her strong vampiric desires had manifested into a separate personality entirely. She never realized she was literally talking to herself versus just trying to quiet thoughts like anyone does.

"Thank you for the tea, Miss Reika. It's Delicious." Seras said calmly. Her vampire was suppressed for now, yet she had no idea it had grown powerful enough to make itself known. 

[Reika Hitachiin]

Reika saw the gash in Seras' arm, but ignored it. She knew it was bound to happen. The talking though, that was something Reika couldn't ignore. But how to go about it? 'Fuck it. I'll just go for direct.' She thought.

"You know you just had a conversation with your inner-monster out loud, yes?" Reika said gently as she sat next to Seras on the bed. She knew that saying this to Seras would immediately throw the vampiress into a tizzy of apologies and self loathing, so, to curb that as much as was possible, Reika added "It's okay though, a little surprising at first. But even our demons need voices. Zev has told me I do the same thing sometimes, when I'm really starving or really depressed. I guess it's another thing to chock up to really fucked up psyches." Reika said this last sentence as an almost whisper, not really knowing if the sentence was for her, or for Seras.

"I'm glad you like it Seras. I figured it would be easier to get some blood in you that way, than the conventional way. Seeing as you don't like eating flesh and you're still too desperate for blood to even consider drinking from me again." Reika said with a hint of sadness. It was sadness for something even Reika wasn't really ready to admit: She loved it when the vampire-girl in front of her had drank from her. Even when Seras had started taking too much, it was only by sheer will and Zev interfering that saved the wolf-girl. As she was pondering this, Reika took a quick glance outside.

"Well. I guess we can head to your place, if you're feeling up to it. Zev can come and keep us company. That is..." Reika trailed off, her own self-doubt now making it's appearance. "If you want me to come with..." Reika turned toward Seras, letting her eyes quickly flit across the beautiful girl's face. She didn't dare let her eyes linger though, because if Seras looked in them, she would see just how lonely Reika felt, and just how amazing having another human in her den felt to Reika. It was despicable, in her own mind. To want human affection so much, that she would put her own life and the life of her she-wolf companion in peril. Already, Seras had shown just how deep her self-loathing ran, but she hadn't seen anything of Reika's. Even now, Reika silently berated herself for letting this woman have such an affect on her, the voices of her old "siblings" coming back to her in full.

"You're so f**king ugly!"
"No one will ever love you!"
"Look what you did this time Chink! That kind of thing is not attractive!"
"Ew! You smell like dog again Chink! Go take a shower! Or three! And don't come back until you smell like a human!"
"Chink!"
"Chink! Ugly a** chink!"
"Go build a railroad somewhere! Maybe you'll die in the process!"

Reika shook her head, trying to push the voices to the back of her head again. Zev saw the emotions playing behind Reika's eyes and silently padded over and shoved her way between the two very broken girls and laid down on the bed with them. Reika smiled, knowing that Zev was picking up on both girl's depressions and self-hatreds. It was clear to the wolf-girl that Zev had accepted Seras as another pup to raise as her own, just like she had accepted Reika. Now though, Reika wondered if Seras could see the same thing. Zev was already protective of both of them. Reika refused to believe that Zev attacking Seras was merely Zev protecting her, but also protecting Seras from the self-loathing that she already knew Seras would be feeling after such an act.

((YAYY!!!! Finally a post to contend with your novella posts!! lol! I have to warn you though, I won't be on much right now as one of my coworkers is ALWAYS asking me to cover for her, and I have a funeral on Friday for my great grandma. T^T She died Monday night. TT^TT So I apologize in advance for the long wait that is sure to come. ))

[seras]

The vampiress sat calmly as Reika began to talk of the other personality that had distinctly been among them a few moments prior. However, instead of denying it or immediately apologizing, as expected, there was a soft chuckle in the air. It was something that was as awkward between them as it was adorable.

"Now now," Seras spoke softly in a voice not quite her own. "We can't let our poor little Seras hear you say something like that, can we?" A very alluring smile came across her perfect lips. "Think of what it would do to the little girl." 

But before the vampire could take over her mind and soul truly, and do as it pleases, Seras regained her composure. Still, it was evident she either hadnt heard a word Reika said, or just that it had been blocked from her memory. Still, as she had already fed once and very much pleased her vampiric nature, Seras was very much unaware how powerful it's grip on her mind and body was becoming. Never before had her depression grown so great that her split personality invaded her body to such a degree it could speak out and do things Seras was truly unaware of. Up until now, Seras had always blacked out, only to wake later on with vivid memories of feeding. Of course she would always pray  they were only nightmares, but the blood on her body always confirmed them. Yet, Seras couldn't ever recall actually doing the deed herself. Only memories, but it was always as if she were watching the horror through someone else's eyes, unable to stop them.

Her inner struggles devouring her alive, Seras slowly began to stand. Her legs wobbled, her knees hitting one another. If one were to take a look, they would hardly believe she was a dangerous creature. 

"I-If you'd like to go, then we can, Miss Reika." Seras was truly hurt, but kept it all inside. All that showed was her complete lack of self preserverence and the overwhelming guilt.

All she wanted to do was to go to Reika and cuddle in her arms. To be held in a strong, comforting embrace and to burry her face in her chest and cry her heart out. She didn't want to feel ashamed for what she was, a monster, and she wanted everything to be alright. Seras desperately wished she could feel that things could be okay between her and the shifter, but every ounce of moral fiber in her being absolutely despised herself for hurting Reika. Seras felt as though she took advantage of Reika's kindness and worst of all nearly killed her for nothing more than a selfish desire. It was a desire that still confused Seras. She never could understand or come to terms with how or why it was such a debilitating, full bodied, obsessive and absolutely destructive craving. It made her into someone else entirely. Seras was desperate to rid herself of it. She would try anything. She couldn't cope with the fact that it was engrained into the fibers or her being. Genetically, she craved blood as much as humas craved air. 

Slowly, with a certain timidness about it, Seras began to reach out to Zev. She wanted to pet the wolf, to feel her slender fingers run through its fur. But, upon seeing a tiny speck of blood left on Zev's fur, the vampiress immediately retracted her hand and folded her arms across her chest gently. She had a frozen, stark look of horror flood her wide open eyes. There it was, right before her, a flash of a memory of Zev laying at the side of the cave in a bloody mess. But what was it? Had she Really seen that before? It confused her as much as it made her shed a few tears. Just to be sure, Seras unfolded her arms for a minute and stared down at her hands. They were slightly stained. Seras almost couldnt believe it. Why could she only now remember something that she had no recollection of doing? Again, it was as if she watched someone else commit such atrocious acts, but through their eyes. Seras was painfully unaware that everytime the vampire within her fed, she indeed had witnessed every grueling second of it. Each and every time. However, the memories were always locked away deep in her mind where she was, more often then not, simply unaware of them.

Seras knew, that if she were to give Reika everything that she believed the shifter deserved, she would just have to lead the way. The vampiress convinced herself it was for her beloved shifter and gained the confidence enough to be the first one out of the cave. She walked slowly but effortlessly, turning back at the mouth of the cave to make certain Reika was following, but wouldn't dare speak to her out of line or make eye contact. 



(I started a new thread in a proper location where Seras was living in a nice house. Please feel free to just start replying in there, kay? Thank you heaps! I hope to see you back on soon but please take all the time you need )

[Reika Hitachiin]

((A note to admins: I think Seras and I will be flip flopping between this thread and our other thread "The Aventon House". Just so ya'll are aware!! ))